Introduction

Love is a canvas
furnished by nature
and embroidered by imagination.
-Voltaire

Was it too much to ask for when all I required was to find someone that I could love? All I really wanted was to wake up in the middle of the night, glance over at my lover and realize just how deeply in love I was. Was it too much to believe that I should and could, find the perfect partner, at least perfect for me? Someone to share life’s precious moments together, to live and to love until death due us part? It certainly didn’t seem like it would be too difficult a task just a few months after my separation when I first set out on my journey.

 Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match …

However, I quickly realized that I was clueless in the current nuances of dating. Let’s face it…I’d been out of the loop for quite a while. In fact, I quickly discovered that I lacked the self confidence required to start dating again. Would anyone even want to go on a date with me??? After nearly 20 years of marriage how and where was I to begin? How could I possibly start dating again? Even if the very first person I would meet was the perfect match for me, I realized that I would still have to partake in some form of the dating ritual of which I was sorely out of practice.
The first problem I thought of was where was I supposed to meet someone that might actually go out with me? Should I rely on my friends and allow them to become my matchmaker? Should I look for love at the local watering hole or a trendy night spot? Should I begin my search in the produce aisle at my local grocery store or perhaps I should employ the Dewey Decimal System to find love at my local library? I came to the realization that there existed a multitude of possibilities, all of which I didn’t feel particularly comfortable with in my search for love.

Then, one day with my trusty computer at my fingertips, I came across some singles ads on my Internet host’s site. I perused them for several weeks and finally got up the nerve to respond to a few of the ads. To my complete amazement, I actually found someone that would go out on a date with me and liked me well enough to hold my hand. WOW! What a boost it was to my self confidence when that first good night kiss occurred. In fact, once that kiss occurred, I knew I was back in the dating saddle (so to speak) again.

After several years of dating and having been through three good, but not great longer term relationships, it hit me that I did not need to settle for pretty good. I not only wanted a lover, but a best friend who was completely compatible with how I viewed and approached life. I wanted the whole enchilada! So the quest continued.

Looking back on my six years of dating, I realized that other than being set up by my friends for one date and meeting a wonderful lady on a golf course in the middle of a rain storm, everyone I met (all 150 women), I met through the Internet.

In my own humble opinion (IMOHO), Internet Dating is without a doubt, the best place to meet the love of your life. Given all the other possible places to meet someone, many of which will be discussed in this book, I believe that your best chance for success is via the Internet. The simple answer is in the numbers. With over 100 million profiles online today, it is only a matter of time and effort for you to meet your soul mate.

Although this guide is designed for anyone interested in Internet Dating, a lot of the content pertains to people who are either divorced/separated or who have endured at least one long-term relationship. I also recognize that when it comes to Internet Dating, some of you over the age of 45 may suffer from two additional handicaps:

1. You may not be as familiar with personal computers and Internet technology as your younger peers, who seem to have acquired their expertise in the womb. Please rest assured that you can easily learn how to navigate the various websites and be successful.

2. You may think there’s a stigma (i.e., “loser”) attached to people who haven’t found that special someone through “conventional” means.

In either case, please realize that you’re in good company and there are plenty of you out there. Unless you’re a confirmed technophobe, who’s decided not to bother with any technology introduced since 1970, learning the basics of Internet Dating is as simple as it is fun. As for any “stigma,” there’s no such thing, at least as far as I can tell.

By the way, if any of you have tried “computer dating” rest assured that Internet Dating is light years ahead of that. Computer dating services tried to play matchmaker using information provided by their paying members through questionnaires, essays, etc. Unfortunately, members had absolutely no control over the process. One friend who tried computer dating told me that he was guaranteed at least three “matches” per month by his service. Each “match” consisted of a postcard that featured the name and telephone number of his next “date.” From that point on, he was on his own. After too many disastrous encounters, my friend wrote the president of the service, demanding his money back. In his letter, he said, “my odds of finding a good match would have been greater if I would have walked blindfolded onto a bus and tapped someone on the shoulder at random.” He eventually received his refund.

By contrast, Internet Dating opens the “window” to potential individuals also searching for that special relationship. No other avenue affords such opportunity or control for meeting others as Internet Dating. With just a click of your fingertips on your keyboard, you’re in control. It’s up to you to decide who you want to contact and to whom you’ll respond. It’s your choice whether to meet dozens of people every month, just one a week or none at all. In essence, Internet Dating allows you become your own matchmaker!

The Internet provides you with a vehicle that allows you to exert a tremendous amount of power, so be careful how you use it. There are a few simple, but important, guidelines you should follow if you want to emerge triumphant, and not trampled, from your Internet Dating experiences.

Let me say this clearly: do not be afraid to meet someone! Just follow the rules and, most importantly, use your head. If you’re going to err, err on the side of safety and caution. I’ve included some humorous stories to illustrate what can go wrong, but in my experience and those of my friends, almost all online meetings never reach “horror story” status. Well, at least not “danger” status.

FYI: I’ve gotten into the habit of calling the initial meetings or dates, “Interviews.” As you enter into this fun, crazy, wonderful world of Internet Dating, you may discover that your application may be rejected multiple times. Do not despair. I estimate that when selecting appropriate candidates approximately (at least in my case and others that I know) one in five interviews goes well, and approximately one in 15 turns out to be great. That one great interview is what keeps us all coming back for more. Those of you, who like me, love the Chicago Cubs, will think these odds are pretty darn good. The rest of you may consider the odds less attractive, more like the chances of winning big on a slot machine. Again, it is that potential for happiness that keeps us all coming back.

You may be upset with me for using the term “Interview” to describe the first meeting. At first, I called these “Dates,” but to be honest, I have learned that meeting someone for the first time is not really a date. Since I’ll call meeting someone whom we know nothing about a “Blind Date,” I’ll call the first meeting with an online prospect the “Interview Date.” Feel free to call it what you will, but I’m sticking to the term “Interview.” I will acknowledge, however, that an Interview Date can turn into a real date rather quickly. So if the first “get together” starts off as an interview and ends in a date, “Cha Ching,” the slot machine paid off, and that’s a very good thing!

Basically, there are three ways people hook up with others online:

 1. Through an Internet Dating site.
 2. Though a chance meeting in a Chat Room.
 3. And finally, through an Online Services Member Profiles.

Though not specifically designed for dating, various online services allow their members to fill out profiles. Other members can then search the member directory based on sex, marital status, geographic location, hobbies, etc. Once they find yours, they will be able to tell whether or not you are currently online. If you are online, then they can contact you via an Instant Message. If you are not online, they will be able to send you an email.

Personally, I do not endorse the last approach. By posting your profile on these services, you essentially invite anyone and everyone to invade your privacy at any hour when you happen to be online. That’s not my personal preference, but only you can decide which method appeals the most to you, and which one works best for you.

It’s also necessary to understand that your particular circumstances, at any given moment, determine what you are looking for. While everyone is looking for his or her soul mate, people in different situations approach dating differently. Those who are recently separated have different needs than those who have been divorced for five years. People who have been single all their lives have different needs than those who recently lost their partner. Whatever your particular needs are, I will attempt to address them.

Since the subject of this book revolves around the Internet, I will use common online acronyms or “Chat Lingo” (where appropriate). For example, you’ve probably heard the term LOL (Laughing Out Loud), which is one of the most commonly used acronyms. Like any language, the content and structure is always evolving, and a glossary of common “Chat Lingo” is located in Appendix A.

While there are several stories in this book that some feel should be cataloged under the Internet Dating Horror Stories category. The purpose of these stories are not to scare you off from Internet Dating but to let you know that, at least for me and many others, despite a few “Horror Stories” the ideal person is most likely out there for you. Simply stated, if I can date and find happiness, so can you!

I would also like to take a moment to forewarn you that, although I try to keep a sense of humor about all of this, there are several chapters in this book that contain absolutely no humor and/or wit. Instead, they feature serious information on how to best use the Internet to find your soulmate. These sections are the Chat Room Chapter, the Internet Dating Site Chapter and The How-To Chapter.

I’ve never dated women from work, I never liked “hunting” in bars, and most of all I do not allow friends to fix me up, anymore, which can only add tension to, or totally destroy, an otherwise good friendship. So all things considered, I found that the Internet is, without a doubt, the best way for people to meet. Let me show you how and why.

-End of Introduction-

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